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Sunday, February 7, 2010

Dear Mom

Dear Mom

Thank you for violating my privacy by disclosing my HIV status to everyone in our family after I asked you not to. Thank you for giving my phone number to my father. It was wonderful talking to him on Sunday afternoon while he was intoxicated. It was even better when he called me Monday evening when he was high. Thank you for degrading my career choices. I appreciated the phone calls from random people with employment advice. I I apologize for the 5 years of my life where I let things get out control and I let my life go down the toilet. I appreciate you taking me in and trying to help me get my life together. Part of getting my life together has included ridding myself of the chemical physical and mental toxins in my life. Not having you in my life has removed a major stress factor in my life. Moving to NYC made my t-cells jump from 325 to 425, and in the 6 months that I've not been in contact with you they have increased to over 500. I have started a wonderful career in the private sector that i love and I am starting college this spring. I will also be celebrating my 2 year anniversary this March. I did relapse on cigarettes after I had to explain my health and HIV status with my Aunt.

You may think that your actions are always benevolent and you can stand by what ever defense you choose to explain them but it doesn't change the outcome or how they effect me or the people that you enlist. I'm sorry for all the things I've put you through and I'm sorry that I don't make choices you agree with but the only way to stop causing each other pain is to cut the cord and so I have. I'm not living my life to make anyone but myself happy and I'm not apologizing for it anymore. I don't have any need for the things you offer to me like house and money. The only conditions and terms I accept in my life are terms that require meeting my goals and making myself happy and healthy.

In making amends to myself I can no longer allow toxic people in my life and in making amends to you all I can do apologize for my past and say good bye. I have changed my phone number and I have filtered my email acct so that anything I receive from you is sent to a junk folder. If and when something happens that information needs to be sent to me I'm sure there is channel that you will find.

I love you and wish you find the sense of peace I have found in my life.

Your Son