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Monday, August 31, 2009

UNO MOMENTUM


Where do I begin to describe the weekend I have had? I’ll start by saying I’ve found exactly what I’m looking for and exactly what I’m not looking for. Of course this resulted from two different guys 3.5 dates a going away party and one hicky on my neck.

This course of events was set in motion a while ago but caught speed Thursday. I got emailed from a really cute guy with a dorky comic screen name so we’ll refer to him as Comic Guy or CG for short. Meanwhile I had already been chatting with this really sexy guy for a while online but just never met due to conflicting schedules so we’ll refer to him as Exhibit Sexy or ES from here on. Now mind you I’ve had a crazy two weeks I’m recovering from a pinched nerve and bad sinus infection so I’m kind of a mess right now.

I make a date to meet CG on Friday evening while he’s on his dinner break and I like these kind of dates you meet have a cup of coffee and shoot the shit no muss no fuss right, well I meet him and he’s adorable so we chat and make arrangements to meet up on Sunday. Now its Friday evening I run home freshen up and go to a meeting in my neighborhood and then to my neighbors for a movie then I get text from ES and we make plans to hang out Saturday night. Honestly what would you do? ES represents sexual energy to me while CG represents the guy I’d introduce to my Aunt Lu and since it’s only one date in with CG I am willing to admit I’m just planning to have a hot time with ES before I jump head first into something with CG.(OK I know this makes me sound like such playa but you know what hate the game ok cause its not like either one of these guys are my boy friend so 3.5 dates in three days is not that serious so stop judging me!)

Now I know how the ES guys roll they will cancel on you in a heart beat if something better comes their way so I’m not even expecting to really meet him Saturday night so while running errands CG invites me to his job for lunch and I stop by. I’m tired and not feeling well after running errands with a friend all morning so I cut or date short ergo the ‘.5’ and return home to nap and prepare incase ES does show up and he does.

Here’s where things get messy instead of it just being a casual encounter we spend the night talking. We watch two movies cuddle and talk all night. Now I have him pegged as your typical playa type so I had no expectations other then sex and honestly we didn’t have sex. He’s entangled and I respected that but what’s crazy is that the cuddling and actually falling asleep on his chest made me terribly aware of what it is I’m really looking for and that’s the feeling of safety and comfort. Saturday night ending with me wanting more, but I was completely satisfied with what I got.

Sunday is a completely different story. Again being the busy bee I am I run around during the day and come home to prepare to have CG come over. He arrives and I give him points for traveling 3 boroughs’ to see me. Now here’s where I go wrong. I’ve categorized CG as the nice BF type and so I’m hopping to talk more and get to know him and see where things go. Also I’m taking him to a going away party for a friend of mine that night. He arrives and his only intention is sex. To add insult to injury he arrives with a bottle of vodka and red wine. I did tell him the party was a byob so bring what he liked but I also explained I’m in recovery and don’t drink at all but he couldn’t rap his head around why I wouldn’t have wine with dinner. We get to the party which is mostly gay men (theatre kids) and he gets shit faced. I can sense his insecurities cause after his 4th drink he keeps trying to claim his territory by kissing me and groping and hugging me at the party and then in the cab home he asked if I had ever slept with my friend who the party was for. Now were back at my place and he’s three sheets to the wind and trying to get some action and I have to shoot him down. I made it clear that he’s intoxicated to me and that it wouldn’t work out. So he passes out. He left this morning and he won’t be returning.

Its funny how all this doesn’t make me fill bitter. In fact it makes me feel happier then ever to know that I know now more then ever what I’m looking for in a relationship is the mental and spiritual intimacy that I’m seeking, the ability to just be next to someone, and fall asleep to the rhythm of their pulse. Also I’ve learned that the guys that look like the safe bets can be the bigger danger then ones our mom’s warn us about, I’m glad my sobriety is still intact and that I make it a non-negotiable in this dating game. ES actually was drinking a beer while he was here but he knew I didn’t drink so he never offered me any and also didn’t apologize for drinking it. CG out of guilt never opened his wine bottle and proceeded to have 5 cocktails and embarrass me at a party after trying to simply get his needs met.

My lesson here is that that wolves have hearts and lambs have teeth also I really am on the right track and one moment the right way with the wrong guy followed by another moment the wrong way with right guy confirms I’m moving in a very healthy positive momentum and sooner or later the right guy is going to show up!