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Monday, July 13, 2009

I stopped holding my breath after the last aneurysm


I was talking with an old flame recently who happens to be a very good friend and I was shocked at how jaded and bitter he has become. At first I thought maybe he had just been drinking (which he had) but as I listened to what he was saying I realized he was a little jaded when we had first met too. I was just too wrapped up in my attraction to him and his rejection of me to even notice that he was suffering from his own pain from relationships. I remember now his circumstances coming to NYC and everything but most of all I remember how we met…

Thursday nights was one of my favorite nights out in NYC. I would regular Barracuda all the time and usually my bridge and tunnel trash friends and I would head to Splash to go dance. Thursday’s was booty music night as I used to call it. I am from the Bronx so I like hip-hop house music. I just do ok! Anyway on one of my nights out drinking in the fall of 2002 after just returning to NYC after living in Ft Myers Florida for a year I saw the cutest skinny little white boy shaking his ass like he was possessed by the spirit of a female black stripper. He could bump and grind and keep up with the beat like no boy I’d scene before. SORRY my gay white friends but most of you can’t dance. I am Italian and Puerto Rican so I know I can move but I had trouble keeping up with him but I tried my best. We kissed on the dance floor and then poof he took off with his friends and was gone. I thought well I guess I’ll never see him again.

One night on a date with this really sexy cop from Brooklyn that wanted to trade in his brand new Honda Accord for a Ford Crown Victoria (I hope I talked him out of it while I kissed and fondled him) we decided to go to Splash and I ran into sexy white boy dance again. I had to make my move. I ditched the cop and go dance with him. It turned out he had just started working for a new airline that was becoming very successful so we’ll call him Jet boy. We exchanged numbers and went on a few dates and later on found out we were both on a date with the cop that night and both ditched him for each other or something like that. But I really really liked Jet boy and decided I was gonna get him a cute hallmark card to say “hi I like you” I don’t remember what the card said I know I picked it very well and made sure it didn’t come across as “I think I love you” but the face Jet boy made was one of sheer terror. I thought things were going really well I had met his roommates they all liked me we hung out together it was nice but after I gave him the card he made it clear that at 23 we are both the same age (well I’m 6 months older then him) neither one of us should be settling down and that he had just gotten out of a long relationship. I have to say he was very polite and kind about it and we continued to date casually after that but drifted apart.

We did remain friends till this day and 7 years later we both seem to be able to say we love one another. I am very grateful that he has always been there for me and never ever judged me when I was a total mess. As soon as I started getting my shit together he was one of the first people to tell me he was very glad and how much I had made him worry, and I can admit that if I thought I was the right guy for him or that we stood a chance of being together I’d really put up the effort to try to make it work. But Jet boy is always leaving on a Jet plane and never know when he’ll be back again. So even though we live in the same city I’m not gonna stomp my feet or hold my breath to make something happen cause we both missed that flight.