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Sunday, June 28, 2009

I’m feeling a little verklempt!


Where do I begin this entry? I’m going to keep it short and to the point.

I got home Thursday afternoon from a wonderful visit with my baby brother and his wonderful mother Toni and eight days is not enough time to spend with him. While gone two friends passed away and I returned home to find out Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett had passed away. Now not that MJ remembers meeting me but he makes 3 people that I’ve met died in one week. I’m not bragging about meeting MJ but the two friends Scott & Giro that passed I am truly mournful over, not that the loss of the two icons aren’t as tragic they just weren’t as close to home.

My little brother asked me some questions about our dad and it’s so hard to answer him in a way that is respectful of the fact that A: my little brother is just ten. B: our father is an addict who suffers from a disease. C: I don’t want to make any complexes he may develop over these issues any worse. D: I don’t want to jade him with my own experiences regarding our father but I also want to protect him from the damage I suffered.

On top of all this I just checked to see if our dad is still alive and I found out he was released from jail a week after my birthday and his mug shot looks horrible. In recovery the one thing I honestly still pray for just like when I was a little kid was that my father would be safe and taken care of. Not that I believe in god but I cast out the thought that I hope he gets better and has the chance to gain what I’ve gained in recovery.

At this point though I really want to withdraw from my program and avoid all the friends I’ve made because people keep dying. It’s getting me down. Maybe I need to take a break but I don’t need to relapse…