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Monday, April 27, 2009

Don't speak I know what you're saying is BULLSHIT Part 2


So sorry to leave you all hanging for so many days I've been very busy! I attended a retreat over the weekend and had an amazing experience I wrote about it stay tuned for the post titled "Suite Resentment" Also my up and coming entries are gonna be a little behind schedule I'm using my old laptop due to my monitor blowing out on my desktop I normally use.

Now where did I leave off? Oh yes I faked running away to Las Vegas and then started a rumor that I had been killed in a drunk driving car accident. Now I know how horrible that sounds and all but before you judge me please take into consideration that in this relationship I had been burned with cigarettes and bitten in a fairly sensitive spot and still have some discolorations to prove it.

Ok So I'm free from crazy James and looking to start my life over again. I'm 17 single and had just made some new friends from Lehman High School that attended my HS for summer sessions. One friend that to this day is my soul sibling Dianna was informing me of this boy she was kinda dating and that she thought we knew each other. It was Doink. Well through the grape vine Doink found out that I wasn't dead nor in Las Vegas and he showed up at my house one day completely unexpected. He invited me to go down to the village with him and a friend. Now I just had to see Anthony and every single gut wrenching emotion broke loose from the crevices I had hid them in. So of course I said I'd love to go with him. There was no mention of this being anything more then us hanging out but i knew something was up.

So I meet Doink at his friends house who's an older gay gentlemen not the type that was molesting the teenage gay boys but more the type that just saw the gene in us and provided a safe haven in a somewhat homophobic neighborhood. Or at least that's what my 17 year old naive mind would like to believe. Anyway Doink and I are waiting for his friend that he called Uncle Joe or something to finish shaving and getting ready. Now here's where things get a little interesting.

I remember that Doink was taking every opportunity to inch closer to me and touch me and so I called him on it. I said "Are you trying to flirt with me?" "Yes! he replied. "Well if you're gonna keep flirting with me you might as well kiss me!" or something to that extent and well he did. So he said "I was hoping to consider this a date" And i told him that my feeling hadn't changed for him. We had a great time wondering the west village I bought a few rings and he a chain or something and I might have given one to Doink as a gift. His uncle Joe stated that he almost sliced his throat when he heard Doink say yes to flirting with me. We had a good time and returned to the Bronx. Doink walked me home.

I asked Doink "So what does this mean?" when we got to my house. He said he wanted to try and see if we could date. Now I was scared that in the 11 months of being with James that some of his reputation of being a skank may have rubbed off on me. And I was really afraid of inviting Doink in and doing the things with him that I had always wished I had done with him first. So we just kissed and then would be one of the last times we saw each other that summer until we went to the Halloween parade together with some mutual friends. Of course I had another letter waiting for him talking about how hurt I was and he apologized saying he got scared and to give him another chance. So of course I did.

Another winter went by and I never heard from him. In that time a friend we called little Steve asked me out and fearing damaging my chances with Doink I said no (after we had hooked up) stating that my heart really belonged to Anthony (Doink) and If I wasn't still in love I'd be happy to date him. (I still regret that answer that evening). Again I think I've babbled to long on this you'll all have to wait for part 3 to read how it ends...