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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

crazy eyes

Ok back to guys with the crazy eyes! Why is it that the worst relationships correspond with the biggest hits? I just added Mary J Blige to my Pandora station list and the first song for her was “be without you” the song my ex dedicated and would serenade to me that would always melt the angry ice that would frost my emotions towards him and just make me melt. Not that he sang it well but that he “want to be with me got to be with me need to be with me” and yet nothing ever changed he would still lie cheat steal etc but I was a sucker for that 6’2 blonde German man and all that Arian blood running through him not to mention what he was packing (yes I’m a size queen sorry Gillette said it best “don’t want no izty bitzy teenie Winnie short dick man”). Again I think this is a key point to the crazy eyes and what they are attached to. I mean think about it crazy men and women that aren’t that symmetrical or not height weight proportionate we just throw them in institutions cause we know they’re crazy and just don’t accept the eye soar and insanity. But put the same crazy eyes on someone with a nice body and various other virtuous attributes or appendages and we just accept their behavior and let them do what they want hell we help them support them promote them. I think about the crap I accepted as par for course with Rich and had he been 2 inches shorter vertically or horizontally I’d have kicked his ass to the curb with the quickness. But I digress I promised a tale of a hot Brazilian nurse with a hot tail. Well this nurse caught me off guard for starters. He didn’t look anything like his pic (yes a manhunt connection but a real date) he was taller then expected had a sexy goatee and just a pinch of grey in the sideburns which I LOVE oh & an accent ummmmm need I say more. But besides looking better in person then the pics not that they were disappointing pictures (I wouldn’t have agreed to the date if they were I’m picky) but you all know what its like when they only have 2 or 3 pics you question if they’re old or photoshop’d or the best 3 pics out of 1000 but the curve ball was that he was a parent. Now once upon a time when I was very co-dependant I refused to get involved with guys that had kids or even were just freshly discovering their gayness. I would always say “no one puts me on the back burner, I don’t simmer I need to be watched and stirred regularly” but now I think about how busy my life is and most importantly that I have a little brother that’s only going on 10 and I factor in if a person is someone I’d be willing to introduce to family. So him being a parent and being involved in his child’s life shows that he’s a stand up kinda guy to me. Well my Latino Nurse was very busy with his career and on more then one date he got called into work not a big deal watching him get paged and be upset and take off to work made me like him more but here’s the fly in the ointment. He had just gotten out of a relationship and was totally in rebound mode. You know you tell the guy you’re rebounding with all the stuff to convince yourself your doing the right thing “he was so mean and abusive and treated me like a doormat” so the person listening thinks wow you were really dating an asshole you tell them “I’m so sorry you ever put up with that blah blah blah…“ And you think you stand a chance then they call you and say they’re confused and at the ex’s apartment picking up personal belongings and not sure what to do and you think WTF, so you well, I assume they must have been with a crazy eyed person so just cut my losses with that one we did have one more date but I knew who he was going back to or I assume…

Oh Big Dong Cum On Me, Umm, I mean Obi One Conobi

You're my only hope. I know you're saying WTF? but wouldn't that be a funny old daddy porn star name if you loved sci/fi like I do. So yes I love Classic Star Wars and Star Trek in all conceptions (can't wait for the new Movie I think i just jizzed a little) but maybe this is why I'm single there aren't many young attractive gay sci/fi buffs that have a twisted edgy sense of humor like me. Now there are some that fall into all the varying categories but I think I'm the only one that has congealed like I have. Don't get me wrong I can converse with any broadway show tune diva with a buttplug microphone and it's not like I go to the conventions dressed as my favorite character (cause if I did the gay gene would kick on and I'd be fierce betch) but where are the cute geeky edgy smart ass guys that are single. Do they get hearded off somewhere? Come out come out were ever you are, geeking out. I see all this chelsea guys that wear the non perscription glasses cause some how dork and geek is the new fashion but its SO MOTHER FUCKING transparant. Whatever guilt complex you're making amends for like um teasing my real fellow 4 eyes friends wearing clear non perscription eye wear is kinda STUPID. Except you Alan O, I got your back betch! but the rest of you NO NO NO I wear glasses and I hate it. I try to wear my contacts as much as possible but I like to keep my eyes health and so I alternate. But none of my eye wear is clumpy cunky plastic that looks like it was stolen from the set of revenge of the Nerds. No I wear metal frameless Dolce & Gabbana's or fierce perscription polarized Prada so I know my fellow gay geeks and dorks the real ones (Alan you fit here cause of UBER inteligent political Satire and you should start your own blog) I repeat come out come out where ever you are! And if some Trendy anti-trendy oh so trendy chelesea boy is moving in on your mark smack'em push'em infront of a cab let them really know what it feels like to be under the bus! Not that we should be hurting each other I think we should be loving one another. But I do believe in taking words back like "Gay Bashing" lets take the word back people go punch a straight person "WHACK" and say you just got gay bashed!

What's so good about a grey rainy Tuesday

Now I know it's almost 1pm but I was up late taking care of business (not like that get your mind out of the gutter, besides celibate remember) with some bi-coastal things I like to do. I recently evicted my to feline companions from my bedroom due to my allergies but I woke up this morning having a hard time breathing so needed to use some asthma medication (yes as prescribed) so I went back to bed. Maybe its just the ghosts of BF's past strangling me for starting this blog but I doubt it. They're all still alive and I haven't even began the rewind in time back to when I actually had a relationship. I've been single for 3 years now come July. I guess I should have mentioned that B4. Now it's not like I grew a hump and was disfigured from a wild animal attack. No I'm still easy on the eyes. It's just that after the insanity of the 2 previous relationships both lasting about 2 years I realized that men have crazy eyes too. And a washboard stomach is not necessarily god's gift to me but they ussually go hand in hand with the crazy eyes. Thats right I said it what? The more attacted I am to you the higher probability that you're as crazy if not crazier then me. Now I'm not saying I'd say no to crazy infact I just maybe waiting for you. So if that's you who keeps calling and hanging up just say hello. I'll talk more tonight about crazy guys that I met last summer in paticular the sexy Brazilian Nurse. HELLO NURSE!

Minutes to Midnight on 4/20/09

So not where to start other then how today went. It's been raining all day and I've stayed home enjoying a fantastic book "Foundation and Earth" by Isaac Asimov. I've spent the last month reading the entire series. I read "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand and that was a painful experience.
Now for something completely off topic. I have decided to take a brake from the dating world for a little while. In 6 months I haven't met anyone worth writing home to but I sure have some good stories to share with you.
Last summer I decided I was ready to start dating again & that maybe meeting people in public (not bathhouse public) would suit me better then the Internet. I had noticed that guys were flirting with me so with the coaxing and guidance of a friend in regards to eye contact and making a move "cause you will probably never see that man again esp if you walk away not giving any sign of interest" I met Doctor Josh. Now realizing that I wanted something more then instant gratification or instant relationship I approached this trepedatiously also I hadn't met anyone like this in a long time. So after 2 weeks of running into each other walking in the same direction from the train every morning I stopped him and with trembling hands I saved his # into my phone. We began the courtship dance and he put his cards on the table about his BF. I being little miss prude said we could just be friends but he had other intentions. We continued to run into each other regularly and during texts and phone calls and chats in person he assured me that his relationship wasn't serious. And me being a sucker for his PHD followed him into a restroom where we ummm compared plumbing. Guilt ridden I avoided him for several weeks until he called me inquiring why I was avoiding him. Mentioning the BF he cemented that it wasn't serious and more a roommate thing so I rebuttaled "then you won't object to a date" no answer for that one. After smoking enough cigarettes to get my ego on a nice nicotine high and my conscious to nod out a little I called Dr Josh one weekend and he explained he was out of town and he'd call when he returned. (Here's where my life officially turned into an episode of 'Sex and the City') Well he never did, but my therapist with the help of a reliable source aka The Sunday Style Section from the NY Times announced the wedding of Dr Josh and his partner the blond gay not so serious BF version of Natasha. Well if Natasha ever gets who I'm referring to if its any consolation we never did more then compare and there was just one kiss.
Then I met VELCROBOY; a instantly attached gay man that had the adhesive power of 'crazy' glue. Plus he was holding onto some lost Vogueing youth and using pictures of a body that hadn't existed since 'the house of hello no one vogues anymore'. I used to have a washboard stomach in my 20's also but I don't use 5-10yr old pics for my manhunt profile (this was strike #1). Although very nice I don't think anyone wants to hear "we'll never go out we'll just stay in and watch TV and movies all the time (strike #2)" or my favorite "wouldn't it be great if we get rid of our manhunt accounts" (strike #3) (yeah that sounds greatif it weren't for the fact that we've now known each other maybe 5 minutes)
So realizing the internet might not be the best place to meet Mr Maybe butI haven't given up yet and I will fill everyone in soon on whatelse has happened to me in the last year.