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Monday, August 31, 2009


Where do I begin to describe the weekend I have had? I’ll start by saying I’ve found exactly what I’m looking for and exactly what I’m not looking for. Of course this resulted from two different guys 3.5 dates a going away party and one hicky on my neck.

This course of events was set in motion a while ago but caught speed Thursday. I got emailed from a really cute guy with a dorky comic screen name so we’ll refer to him as Comic Guy or CG for short. Meanwhile I had already been chatting with this really sexy guy for a while online but just never met due to conflicting schedules so we’ll refer to him as Exhibit Sexy or ES from here on. Now mind you I’ve had a crazy two weeks I’m recovering from a pinched nerve and bad sinus infection so I’m kind of a mess right now.

I make a date to meet CG on Friday evening while he’s on his dinner break and I like these kind of dates you meet have a cup of coffee and shoot the shit no muss no fuss right, well I meet him and he’s adorable so we chat and make arrangements to meet up on Sunday. Now its Friday evening I run home freshen up and go to a meeting in my neighborhood and then to my neighbors for a movie then I get text from ES and we make plans to hang out Saturday night. Honestly what would you do? ES represents sexual energy to me while CG represents the guy I’d introduce to my Aunt Lu and since it’s only one date in with CG I am willing to admit I’m just planning to have a hot time with ES before I jump head first into something with CG.(OK I know this makes me sound like such playa but you know what hate the game ok cause its not like either one of these guys are my boy friend so 3.5 dates in three days is not that serious so stop judging me!)

Now I know how the ES guys roll they will cancel on you in a heart beat if something better comes their way so I’m not even expecting to really meet him Saturday night so while running errands CG invites me to his job for lunch and I stop by. I’m tired and not feeling well after running errands with a friend all morning so I cut or date short ergo the ‘.5’ and return home to nap and prepare incase ES does show up and he does.

Here’s where things get messy instead of it just being a casual encounter we spend the night talking. We watch two movies cuddle and talk all night. Now I have him pegged as your typical playa type so I had no expectations other then sex and honestly we didn’t have sex. He’s entangled and I respected that but what’s crazy is that the cuddling and actually falling asleep on his chest made me terribly aware of what it is I’m really looking for and that’s the feeling of safety and comfort. Saturday night ending with me wanting more, but I was completely satisfied with what I got.

Sunday is a completely different story. Again being the busy bee I am I run around during the day and come home to prepare to have CG come over. He arrives and I give him points for traveling 3 boroughs’ to see me. Now here’s where I go wrong. I’ve categorized CG as the nice BF type and so I’m hopping to talk more and get to know him and see where things go. Also I’m taking him to a going away party for a friend of mine that night. He arrives and his only intention is sex. To add insult to injury he arrives with a bottle of vodka and red wine. I did tell him the party was a byob so bring what he liked but I also explained I’m in recovery and don’t drink at all but he couldn’t rap his head around why I wouldn’t have wine with dinner. We get to the party which is mostly gay men (theatre kids) and he gets shit faced. I can sense his insecurities cause after his 4th drink he keeps trying to claim his territory by kissing me and groping and hugging me at the party and then in the cab home he asked if I had ever slept with my friend who the party was for. Now were back at my place and he’s three sheets to the wind and trying to get some action and I have to shoot him down. I made it clear that he’s intoxicated to me and that it wouldn’t work out. So he passes out. He left this morning and he won’t be returning.

Its funny how all this doesn’t make me fill bitter. In fact it makes me feel happier then ever to know that I know now more then ever what I’m looking for in a relationship is the mental and spiritual intimacy that I’m seeking, the ability to just be next to someone, and fall asleep to the rhythm of their pulse. Also I’ve learned that the guys that look like the safe bets can be the bigger danger then ones our mom’s warn us about, I’m glad my sobriety is still intact and that I make it a non-negotiable in this dating game. ES actually was drinking a beer while he was here but he knew I didn’t drink so he never offered me any and also didn’t apologize for drinking it. CG out of guilt never opened his wine bottle and proceeded to have 5 cocktails and embarrass me at a party after trying to simply get his needs met.

My lesson here is that that wolves have hearts and lambs have teeth also I really am on the right track and one moment the right way with the wrong guy followed by another moment the wrong way with right guy confirms I’m moving in a very healthy positive momentum and sooner or later the right guy is going to show up!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Bridge & Tunnel

Manhattan is a very small island and NYC is the most densely populated city in the US. All though it’s the melting pot of America certain spices prefer to clump up; as they say bird of a feather flock together.

I am fortunate enough to call myself a local here. I've lived in 3 of the 5 boroughs and I have lived in several other states so I have a gracious perspective of this city esp. the mass transit system. When I lived in Tuscan AZ there was no inner gay community or gay ghetto we were just peppered around in various places. A good hook up could be over an hour away door to door. I think NY gays don't realize how easy it is to get across or up and down town, cabs buses and subways are abundant.

Here's an example: I had met someone that turns out to live 6 stops from me on a merging train line. Literally 3 stops transfer to either the local or express train depending on who would go to the others house. I took the trip late one night after midnight when the trains run slow and it still only took me 25 minutes but he passed out. He apologized and tried to get me to come over again the next day. Now the old door mat I was would have said sure but the ‘new me’ with higher standards said "Are you fucking kidding me?” (To myself) I can show up in the middle of the night to your crack stack train station and have to turn around and go home but you aren't willing to come to my place cause its in ‘the Bronx’ then I have no time for you. If my neighborhood is a GU (geographically undesirable) to you then back at ya. I'm not starting a relationship nor even willing to date someone where there is a power struggle going on with clothing. I'm willing to go as far as you are. If I can be expected to go to your place you can damn well come to mine, its not like this person lives on 5th Ave or Central Park West or any of the gay neighborhoods like Hells Kitchen or Chelsea or even the West or East Village. He lives in an even more remote area with far less access then I do. So when you throw the "it’s an entirely different borough" crap at me I lose interest.

So cute Manhattan boy I hope you know your closed mindedness on inter borough travel makes you the bridge and tunnel trash because I’m as far from you as you are close to me. You just can't see past your moat the east river!

Monday, August 24, 2009


I was working down on Houston last evening and I noticed several people that were pulling luggage and after then each passed me by the second time I realized they were off there baring which is easy to do down on the LES. My first reaction was one of sympathy how terrible it must be to not know where you're going, but then two separate individuals passed me a third time I realized they were lost. I recognized the panic and despair in their eyes and became very upset with myself. Who was I to pity these people and how quickly I have forgotten some of the many sub-basements of my bottom.

I've traveled the country looking for my place in the world, where I fit in and felt normal and most importantly safe with peace of mind. I'm still looking and I doubt I'll ever stop but I've narrowed it down my home town of NYC for now. I have been building my a foundation here and I think that the sign of it being a good one is that I almost forgot how bad things used to be.

After my total recall I was happily reminded of insanity when a very unstable person passed by me on Houston screaming obscenities at everyone. But wait there's more. Today was Bronx Gay Pride day and not only did I help set up the stage but I also went out to celebrate and go dancing. I will go into more detail about this adventure later but suffice to say I did stay sober. The club I went to in the Westchester Sq was not your typical Chelsea experience. It had a very small town feel but I liked it. It reminded me of my days in Florida when I was as young as the boys in this place, which brings me to my point.

At first I was very nervous and uncomfortable going to club but I saw some many young people that at first I just said OMG was I ever that young? As I watched them watching each other I realized some of them were trying to find themselves like we all once or still are. So I looked inside myself and found who I am at least at this point in my life and I liked no I loved what I saw and so I got on that dance floor and I TURNED IT OUT!


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

That’s how it goes…

I’ve given up on the happy ending, the white night on his stead or Ducati, at least for now. At this moment in time I’m taking what I need and leaving the rest. I continue to date and put myself out there and am still disappointed. If I kiss anymore frogs I’m gonna be in a valtrex commercial. Not that these guys are ugly or bad guys there just hasn’t been anyone that I’ve said “Hey I want to introduce you to my family.” It’s not that no one is good enough for me it’s that they aren’t good enough for the people that are too good to me. I share so much love and receive so much from the loved ones around me that they just don’t measure up. Sorry guys but you’re not good enough for my baby brother and his mom or my Aunt Lu or my cousins or Melinda and her mother. The funny thing is everyone in my life in a non romantic way is worth it. All my friends measure up. I guess I need to start fishing in my own pond. Why do I have such a hang up about this?

Either you get your terms met from people you don't want
Or want what you want from people that don't want to give it to you

Friday, August 14, 2009

District 9

I know I don't usually talk about movies or other form of pop culture but after seeing District 9 I have to tell you to go see it!

Like any scifi movie there are bound to be inconsistencies but the way this movie was able to piece different aspects of other scifi tails and improve upon them is worth mentioning. The formula they used to combine a documentary about refugees a man trying to do his job & family trying to get home, that just happen to be aliens to create one movie was thoughtful and well approached and didn't feel contrived at all.

The movie starts with the documentary style that people use to make the most unbelievable seem believable. We all have seen the "Blair Witch Project" and if you didn't like "Cloverfield" I still think you will like D-9. It follows Wikus van der Merwe at work and his promotion with his company to personally evict the aliens from District 9. Each shot seemed to start from the interview or from a security camera or military scope which tied the bouncing shots together very well. It really made the action flow at a great pace while still letting you connect to even the CGI Prawns.

Then there's the 'Modern Refugee' story we were promised by Steven Spielberg in "The War of the Worlds" who instead gave us Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning over acting us to death. Director Neill Blomkamp gives us a story that could be anywhere and he sets the tone right at the beginning of the film refugees or immigrants invited legal or illegal could show up anywhere and he makes a clear point about the emotions that are stirred with the natives, but in this story the refugees are from another planet.

Wikus do to circumstances is now being hunted by his company and is forced to work with a Prawn named Christopher and his child and we start to see the "humanity" in the Prawns while struggling to hold on to his own. In Order to survive he was trust in Christopher. We watch him struggle with this and later watch Christopher question whether he can trust Wikus.

With all this great plot and dialog (half in Prawn) we also get great action and horror. Amazing weapons are at the disposal of the Prawn and this is where you can see that the picture is trying to tell us that these refugees may actually be peaceful creatures that we are just choosing to not try to understand. I really enjoyed the battle suit scene and many more aspects of this film.

Watch this movie and then pretend that the prawns were any other race or creed.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Wendy told me to do it!

How You Doin! Awright!

That's right peeps I was on the Wendy Williams Show today and I got to ask Wendy something. Now if you guys recall "cafe Con Frenemy" back in April I mentioned Facebook as a tool for investigating beau's and suitors so that you can see who they talk to the most or have the most "cyber interaction" with.

Recently I posted some old pics of me on facebook of when I was younger and thinner to help inspire me in my diet and quest for a lost waist line and it really helps. Well for the last few days my mother has been blowing me up on facebook. Making rude comments about my scantily pictures and just being plain rude so I asked Wendy if I should delete my mom and she said yes.

Now I tried to set her to have limited access to my page but that didn't stop her from commenting or sending emails about the stuff that I have public.

I'm now short one friend. :(

Saturday, August 1, 2009

When Beautiful People Do Ugly Things

There I was waiting for the 2 train at Time Sq where standing before was one of the most handsome Latino men I have ever laid eyes on. Not only did he have the face of an angel he also had a body that was built for sin below the neck. He was very muscular not that that really gets me going but what caught my eye was his ass. Below his 48"chest was maybe a 28-30" waist and below that must have been a 36" butt. Not a fat one, the one that you know is on top of really muscular thighs. Suffice to say I was melting.

I stood next to him on the train when I noticed his hands. That was it I am in love. perfectly masculine manicured nails. No nail biting, no bruises or cracks, or nail polish or buffed shininess, just beautiful hands and finger nails. Then he fucked it up. He started making these hand motions like he was playing a video game I thought at first. As I continued to study his motions I realized what he was doing.

He was practicing taking apart a gun then firing it, then all these other motions that were apparent to coordinate with rifles and machine guns etc. I don't need to know how to do these things but I've seen enough Rambo like movies to get the jest. I realized he must me a military guy or a police cadet (I am a sucker for uniforms) but that's not an excuse.

I don't care what your opinion on gun control is unless you agree with me. "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Stupid people say this cause 3 year old's don't bleed to death by sticking bullets up their noses' and gangland murder rates aren't so high cause they drive by break dance. Things were different when you were a kid (unless your my age or younger) cause guns were hard to come by! Asshole! So don't romanticize an object that can kill me, but feel free to try to break my hip!