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Monday, July 13, 2009

I stopped holding my breath after the last aneurysm

I was talking with an old flame recently who happens to be a very good friend and I was shocked at how jaded and bitter he has become. At first I thought maybe he had just been drinking (which he had) but as I listened to what he was saying I realized he was already a little jaded back when we first met.  I was just too wrapped up in my attraction to him and his rejection of me to even notice that he was suffering from his own pain from relationships. Our conversation illuminated his circumstances coming to NYC but I'll never forget how we met…

Thursday nights was one of my favorite nights out in NYC.  Barracuda is where my bridge and tunnel friends would begin our adventures and Splash was usually where we ended the evening on the dance floor.  Thursday’s was booty music night as I used to call it. I am from the Bronx so I like hip-hop/house music. I just do ok! Anyway on one of my nights out drinking in the fall of 2002 after just returning to NYC after living in Ft Myers Florida for a year I saw the cutest skinniest white boy shaking his ass like he was possessed by the spirit of a female black stripper being excercised in a Baptist Church. He could bump and grind and keep up with the beat like no boy I’d scene before. SORRY my gay white friends but most of you can’t dance. I am Italian and Puerto Rican so I know I can move but even I had trouble keeping up with him but I tried my best. We kissed on the dance floor and then poof he took off with his friends and was gone. I thought well I guess I’ll never see him again.

One night on a date with this really sexy cop from Brooklyn that wanted to trade in his brand new Honda Accord for a Ford Crown Victoria (I hope I talked him out of it while I kissed and fondled him) we decided to go to Splash and I ran into the sexy white boy dancer again. I had to make my move. I ditched the cop to go dance with him. It turned out he had just started working for a new airline that was becoming very successful so we’ll call him Blueboy. We exchanged numbers and went on a few dates and later on found out we were both on a date with the cop that night and both ditched him for each other or something like that.  I really really liked Blueboy and decided I was gonna get him a cute hallmark card to say “hi I like you” I don’t remember what the card said exactly but I thought I picked it very well to make sure it didn’t come across as “I think I love you” but the face Blueboy made was one of sheer terror. I thought things were going really well, he introduced me to his roommates and we hung out together and got along famously.  Everything was going great but after I gave him the card he made it clear that at 23 we are the same age (well I’m 6 months older then him) neither one of us should be settling down and he explained that he had just gotten out of a long relationship. I have to say he was very polite and kind about it so we continued to date casually but after that but drifted apart.

We have remain friends till this day and 7 years later we are able to say we love one another with ease. I am very grateful that he has always been there for me and has never ever made me feel judged even when I was a total mess. In fact as I started getting my shit together he was one of the first people to tell me he how glad he was for me and how much I had made him worry.  I can admit that if I thought I was the right guy for him or that we stood a chance of being together I’d really put up the effort to try to make it work. But Blueboy is always leaving on a Jet plane and I never know when he’ll be back again. So even though we live in the same city I’m not going to stomp my feet or hold my breath to make something happen because we both missed that flight.

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