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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Philadelphia Freedom

Ok so I think by now you guys have heard of enough of my resentments towards men and I thought it was time for a change of pace. After all you now know about Anthony aka Doink, Doctor Josh, Rich, Velcroboy, and innuendo to some that will be brought up later. The jury is still out on Officer Abercrombie.

I think I need to mention that there are some amazing men in my life. Guys that I can count on to answer the phone and just listen. Spot me a 20 if I’m broke or treat me to dinner. I have to admit that I’m very fortunate to have as many people in my life that I can call friends. The reason I titled this entry ‘Philadelphia Freedom’ is because of 2 guys in my life from the city of brotherly love.

I will start with the one I just met. His name is Matt and he’s a very attractive 25 year old that is just charming. I recently met him while painting my friend/boss’s office. He was one of the hired painters. Now I’m gay man in NYC so can you just imagine how many Show Tune Queens I’ve met in my life. I can go as far as to say that most of them are some of the most annoying people I’ve ever met. Now I can’t sing to save my life so I’m not calling anyone talentless, I’m just saying that I have to many of my own issues to waste my time stroking other peoples egos’ when all I feel like saying sometimes is “Your Midwest parents and Midwest teachers have really just been blowing smoke up your ass so stop looking at me like I’m the bad guy cause I won’t tell you how wonderful you are!” Don’t act like you’ve never thought it when someone is telling you about what they do when they’re not serving food at T.G.I.F.

Now Matt is a singer and all that Jazz but he’s got a really good head on his shoulders. I’m not going to go into it and divulge too much personal info on him. Suffice it to say he’s actually working doing what he loves. The reason why I am giving him this shout out is because he’s really reinstalled a sense of hope that somewhere out there, there is someone right for me and that there are guys that do live up to my standards and some of them I’m actually attracted to. Was I going to make a move on Matt? Yes I was when we were painting together alone we came pretty close to one another and I really had to resist grabbing him and planting a kiss. It would not have helped my celibacy vow. (63 days today btw) I’ve had the opportunity to work with Matt via our mutual boss several times and the more I have gotten to know him the more I know he’s the perfect guy for someone, just not me. He is pursuing his career and is young, no where near the settling down point. Also he travels a lot for work. I’m way to high maintenance to have to wait around for someone that’s always out of town or gone for months at a time. As healthy as I get mentally these days I know what my wants, needs & boundaries are. So thank you Matt for being the amazing guy you are and giving me hope that not all guys I meet are assholes.

Now last but not least my favorite Philadelphian in the whole world Terence. (Which btw gave me an awesome title for a blog entry; as soon as it is prevalent I’ll use it.) While at dinner with Terence last night at the ‘Tic Toc Diner’ I was amazed to see that while it has been 5 years since we’ve seen each other and almost 10 since we dated, that he still puts his finger over the top of the straw to air seal it and then sips from the bottom of it. Now it wasn’t his usual grape soda but it’s been a decade since we sat in a dinner and eat together I couldn’t help but feel a sense of safety sitting across from him. Tonight while out to dinner with my friends at “The Dish” I caught myself doing the straw thing. I realize that I do it once in a while when he’s on my mind. Now I don’t have any romantic feelings for Terence any more but I can honestly say this is someone that I love very deeply. He has bared witness to much of my insanity and even when I was still digging a basement after I hit rock bottom he never verbally judged and he always picks up when I call. When we were together I couldn’t cope with my life and was even more irritated by his ability to repel negative energy. It has taken 10 years a therapist 12 steps and a lot of soul searching for me to be able to build my own bubble of tranquility. I thank you Terence for the blueprint. I thank you for tolerating me and all the mischief of my 20’s. Every time my bubble burst you were always there to give me a little bit of air when I needed it.

So keep up the good work Philly you make an awesome product.


  1. wait.. none at all.. That hurts my feeling. I only have one and you hurt it