Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Don't Speak I know what you're saying is BULLSHIT part 3
WOW this is taking way longer to get this story out then expected but its worth it to me. I've buried these feeling deep down inside for many years and I feel lighter getting them off my chest.
We last left off I had just turned down 'Little Steve' who wasn't that little we just had more then 1 Steve in the group.
Steve and I rode the elevator down from my mother's apartment on 28ths street and 2nd avenue and I escorted him back to the train so he could return to the Bronx. It was still fall but if my memory serves me it was warm perhaps and Indian summer. as we walked westward towards Park Avenue we noticed a Pimp in a lime green suit with matching shoes and fedora. We both thought it was funny. I can even tell you that Steve even kissed me good bye as he got on the train and his tenacity blew me away. Now he had become a good kisser after all I should know I taught him how to kiss. He used to do the 'fuck your lips with his tongue thing' but I remember wacking him in the head saying "what the fuck are you doing? follow my tongue!" and then kissing him again slowly getting him to enjoy the tactile contact sensation we get when we make out. I still remember how 'Little Steve' smelled to this day I smell ivory soap and I think about that cute boy that asked me to be his boyfriend over a dozen years ago.
Another reason I remember that night so well is because of the hooker that worked the block for the pimp propositioned me as I passed her walking back to 2nd Avenue. As I approached Lexington Avenue I noticed the strong odor of urine fill my nostrils hitting my soft palette causing me to gag a little. As I proceeded this body stood up from squatting between 2 cars and pulled up her lime green spandex and saying "You need some company baby?" as she then adjusted her wig with clearly not washed hands. "No thanx just had some company" I replied as I almost vomited in my denim jacket that I pulled around me a little closer as the first cold winter chills started to give the wind a little bite. So 'Little Steve' has a very bitter sweet spot in my heart and always will.
But this isn't about Steve and besides there are a few more Steves' to write about later. Winter came and so did Valentines Day. I was alone. checking my clear yellow motorola beeper daily always hoping that Doink would send me a sorry beep i forget what the numberic code is but you all recall those beepers and the 83202 upside is besos kisses in spanish duh god you people are so white that read this lol. Anyway I waited and waited and waited and got a job at an Ice Cream store down the block from my moms. Sharon Dianna and I spent V D evening together. I made Bustello and and mini bunt cakes and my mothers apartment was full of love and the aroma of powdered sugar and coffee. Now Sharon Dianna and myself are all Pisces and we are connected Sharon read in her annual astrology guide "whomever you spend this valentines day with will become a close and dear friend for many years to come. Well Sharon and Dianna knew one another but that night of love and romance a bond was formed over spanish coffee and the three of us have been tightly linked still to this day.
Gosh I keep getting sidetracked anyway spring came and so did summer and guess who popped back up? Now I have described how Steve kissed but I think I need to explain to you guys that Doink was the first boy I ever kissed. Every kiss by every male there after is held against a kiss from Doink. His lips were so soft and his kiss was so gentle that just thinking about one now over a decade later fills my heart with helium and my stomach with a brick. How many of you have ever taken Ecstasy? That universal love sensation you feel for everyone that's the only way I can describe my feeling for Anthony (Doink). He helped me and my grandmother Nana move to Throggs Neck in an apartment around the corner from Sharon. And again we kissed and he asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes of course but he disappeared again.
I started College got my first car and continued to work do all sorts of things. I even went to LA on vacation that summer with mom as a graduation gift. We drove all around LA constantly getting lost and sun burned. But I was accustomed to the burning sensation in my chest at this point. Fall came and again I started thinking of Doink and reminiscing and getting sad so again I wrote him a letter. This time telling him how hurt I was and mad that he had done this to me again and that I'm a human being that has feeling. Time heals all wounds but my chest is tight as I type this and I can remember crying as I wrote that letter feeling heart broken and rejected just trying to understand whats wrong with me. (I know I write to many fucking letters) I gave him his letter in his birthday card and you know what he does. He calls me up and apologizes for everything saying he keeps freaking out. FREAKING OUT now his mom loves me my Nana loves him we're both always welcome at each others homes and our parents are aware of whats happening between us and never air a voice of disapproval to either one of us. So I take him back again...